chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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