Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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