Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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