If i could tip my vagina, i would.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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