Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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