Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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