my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
