I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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