I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
