this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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