I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
