well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
