Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
