I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
