i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
