I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
