There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize