It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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