it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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