there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think i have herpe
just one?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
