Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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