Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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