When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
