I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
