you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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