I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
