dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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