i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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