Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
