I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize