Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
