Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
