definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
