i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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