What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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