I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
