I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize