Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
