is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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