He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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