I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
