Me. At least after what I've been through.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
