i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
