Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
