I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i've created a new STD.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
