My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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