Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
