Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
