i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
