I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
