You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
