Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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