I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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