He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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