We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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