Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
