He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
