Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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