I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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