Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
