is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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