I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
