I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
