would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
