eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
