girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize