this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
