drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
