I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
