I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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