the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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