but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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