in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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