Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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