Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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