I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
