did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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