He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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