I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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