just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The Olympian is in my bed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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