Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
